tired

Here are my jumbled thoughts tonight. You don't have to agree with them or even read them, but maybe someone else can relate.

I’m tired. I’m tired of doing “all the right things” and still paying the price of those who refuse to do the bare minimum. I’m tired of missing out on life because of other people. I’m tired of watching people continue to live their lives like there isn’t a global pandemic. I’m tired.

I want to go back to normal. I don’t know what that means anymore, but I’m willing to find out. I want to sit in a classroom. I want to use my school library. I want to study in a group. I want to have class discussions. I want to meet my professors and classmates. I want to do the dreaded ice breakers. I want to see the bottom of people’s faces. I want to learn at school.

I’ve spent the last year and a half doing school on my laptop alone in my bedroom. I’ve worked harder than ever before on schoolwork only to feel like I haven’t learned a thing. I’ve cried from frustration more times than I could count, only to open my laptop back up to continue working. Some people have had the audacity to say that we have it easy because our college is online and we can cheat. Here’s the thing—some of us want to get our money’s worth and actually learn rather than cheat.

The thing with virtual school is that it never ends. Your class isn’t over after the bell or professor dismisses you. It isn’t a handful of hours each week. It is all day every single day. It’s that pesky tab open with your assignments list while you’re trying to watch Netflix on your laptop. It’s that app notification about a new project being posted. It’s constant. There is no separation of home and school; your home is your school.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this pandemic, it’s that America isn’t the greatest country in the world. At least not in the divided state in which we currently live. I see adults every day throw hissy fits like toddlers over wearing a mask in public because they’re afraid of a prick in their arm. I see extremists convincing their “loyal” followers that conspiracy theories are credible. I see so much division that it scares me. I pray that one day this pandemic will end, but that scares me, too. What happens then? If the dam of division in our country broke over something as simple as wearing a mask to protect yourself and others, what else will break us? If people refuse to wear a mask and get vaccinated because they don’t think it’s healthy, but binge drink and smoke, how else are they hypocritical? Don’t get me wrong, I want America to be the great country we could be, but we haven’t been that America for a long time. I hope I see her again in my lifetime. Until then, I will wear my mask (in addition to being fully vaccinated) for my sake AND yours. That means I am doing my part to protect you even if you are choosing not to do your part for me or yourself. Please think about that and maybe put on your mask next time you go out.

((To the people who CAN’T get vaccinated—that’s fine! My frustration is brought on by the people who can and are choosing not to because they don’t want to be told what to do))