I know I’m sharing a lot of grief-related things these days, but the holidays are always tough. If sharing these things helps one person or shows them how to help others, it’ll make me feel better. With that said, here’s what’s going in my mind behind all the happy pictures posted and statuses shared. I’m good, but wanted to show the complexity behind my experience with grief and its impacts on my life besides the obvious. You never know what’s going on in people’s heads, so just be kind to one another.
Things you don’t think about until you have to—
At what point do I tell people my story? How much of my story do I tell? Do I only mention the loss or the trauma involved?
How do I explain triggers to people?
How will I explain to my future partner my family situation?
How will I explain to my future kids who my dad was and why he isn’t there?
How will I react on every big day knowing people are walking on tiptoes around me?
Will there ever be a day I remember he isn’t here? When I hear a car pull in the driveway will I always expect it to be his?
Will people stop pitying me and just try to empathize? Will people stop expecting me to get over it because it’s been awhile?
Will there ever be a holiday when I’m not overly concentrated on keeping my family distracted to keep them from focusing on his absence?
How do I explain to peers that I’m not interested in the stupid things they do because I know just how precious life is?
How am I going to get up every day knowing I’ll never hug him again or hear his voice?
How do I grow up knowing how badly he’d want to be here but isn’t?
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